Charged up (Mandel Ngan/Getty Images)

Hey Snackers,

Researchers named a recently discovered prehistoric ancestor to amphibians after Kermit the Frog. “Kermitops gratus” lived 270M+ years ago and probably didn’t play the banjo.

The S&P 500 notched its twentieth record close this year, despite declines in Apple and Alphabet. US home sales rose for two straight months for the first time in over two years.

 This quiz sparks joy… so plz don’t throw it out while you’re spring cleaning. The Snacks Seven Quiz is ripe for you to ace. Try the first Q below:

Apple gets served… and it’s not pie. The DOJ dished up a landmark antitrust lawsuit taking on the Apple ecosystem. After a four-year investigation, yesterday the DOJ said that Apple has illegally sustained an iPhone monopoly by giving its own devices (like the Apple Watch) and services (like Apple Pay) an advantage over rivals’. The DOJ said Apple has prevented app developers from creating rival tap-to-pay options for the iPhone, hampered competition in the smartwatch market, and suppressed cloud gaming services.

iMessage on four devices… Apple connects its services across its gadgets (which as of late 2022 were used by 2B people). But its tightly controlled ecosystem has led to lawsuits over everything from its “app tax” to limits on how app developers can communicate with their users. Now, Apple’s gated garden is starting to crack: 

Big Tech’s big strategy is under threat… Amazon, Google, and Meta all offer an interconnected web of services, which has led to multibillion-dollar ecosystems. Now that strategy is in jeopardy, and not just for Apple. A DOJ case targeting Google’s ad-tech dominance goes to trial this fall, and the search giant agreed to pay $700M last year to settle allegations that it suppressed Android app store competition. Meantime, the FTC sued Amazon last year in an ecomm antitrust case.

Every kiss begins with Kay… and they went to Jared. Signet Jewelers, the self-proclaimed world’s largest diamond-jewelry seller and the parent co of brands like Kay, Jared, Zales, and Blue Nile, gave investors a not-so-shiny forecast for the year. The reason: it said fewer folks could put a ring on it. Signet, which depends on bridal jewelry for half its sales, saw its stock plunge 12% after it said sales fell 10% in the holiday quarter.

“A diamond is forever”… but not for now. It’s been four years since the pandemic started, and Signet said couples get engaged on average three years after they start dating. Since IRL meetups and candlelit dinners weren’t happening mid-pandemic, Signet said jewelers are facing an “engagement gap” (it’s hard to meet your SO on “Animal Crossing”). Plus, it said tough economic conditions could cause folks to delay big purchases.

The pandemic has a very long train… The getting-hitched industry rebounded in 2022 as Covid-delayed dates were rescheduled. But now the wedding biz could feel the longtail effects of daters’ year+ of baking sourdough alone. That could vary by region: Signet said that states with the shortest shutdowns, like Texas, are seeing engagements recover faster than states with longer lasting measures, like California.

 Policy… Analysts have done a U-turn on the likelihood that the SEC will approve spot ethereum ETFs this May (current prediction: no). Investors speculate that an approval could boost ether demand, pointing to BTC’s rally after spot bitcoin ETFs.

 Spendy… Polygon Labs, the blockchain biz supporting Starbucks’ test of an NFT-based rewards program, reportedly paid the java giant $4M to host the project. Starbs said it’s ending the program, dubbed Odyssey, this month.

 Quirky… A photo of a Shiba Inu wearing a pink beanie sold as an ethereum-based NFT for $4.3M. It’s not just any dog pic: it’s the meme behind dogwifhat, the solana-based memecoin du jour with a $2B+ market cap (no pun intended).

  Thanks for Snacking with us! 

The US dropped out of the top 20 happiest countries for the first time since at least 2012

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Authors of this Snacks own bitcoin and ethereum and shares of: Alphabet, Amazon, Apple, and Starbucks